Beginnings

As I sit here alone, I muster the courage to quell my anxiety. The door has a dead bolt, and the blinds are drawn. I feel like I'm in a sort of non-existence, swinging out on this ledge of oblivion. No one I know or love is anywhere within 200 miles of me and if I were to fall over from sudden death, no one would know for at least a few days, when I'm expected to go home again. It's daunting, so I rented some movies, and ordered some pizza. In reality, I'm fine, everything is fine. Life is short, so I must enjoy these moments of quiet solace. I should have probably studied some today, but I didn't, and oh well...it'll be fine.Instead, I've watched "The Lovely Bones" and cried. Movies always get to me. I have "Young Victoria" to watch later, but for now I'm just buzzing the TV in the background.

I'm a pharmacy student, finishing up my third year, and going on rotations in the fall, taking for granted I don't uncharacteristically fail something. Never in my life, but I don't want to jinx myself, the least likely things happen from time to time. I got a pineapple and Canadian bacon pizza, my favorite, from Mazzio's...it's the best pizza here in this dot on the map. I'm not sure it's even a dot...maybe more like a blip. It's homey though, and a rather pleasant place to be after getting past the faded chipping paint, tin roofs, pocked cars, and trailer parks (one of which I reside in). The red dirt is characteristic here, as well as the hellish itchy weeds they call grass in this part if the country. I suppose it's better than having a red dirt yard, or one full of stones. I miss my fescue, and have a little growing in my yard under the thick oak trees. It still gets stressed out in the hot iron days of summer though.

I'm not originally from around here, if you haven't figured that out yet, I've become somewhat of a nomad; a wandering spirit without a home. I've begun to feel roots push into the earth here, and I am looking forward to finally being able to live with my husband full time. We've begun to make friends, and have favorite places to go. I'm in a sort of paradigm though, on one hand, I want the semester over as soon as it can be, and on the other I know that living in the moment is more fulfilling. I also know if I don't learn to do this now, there's no stopping the train full speed ahead at any other time either. Carpe diem!