Ana Ella: May 2012

It's been stormy here the last couple days. I remember talking to my Mom on Tuesday and her telling me they were experiencing gale force winds with the potentiality of hail, and as I looked at the wide blue Oklahoma sky with a few scattered white clouds along the horizons, I thought it couldn't be more different. It was only that night we had our own storms roll in. Thankfully, things have cooled off, it was getting unbearable. It rained again last night, and looks like it wants to again today. The wind is tossing tree branches in circles, and the clouds are quickly blown across the sun, their shadows chasing each other along the landscape as the day goes on to afternoon.

I got a nice bit of money for my graduation, (oh yeah, I forgot to mention I graduated from pharmacy school since I last posted), so I thought to myself, "what have I always thought about, wanted, but known it was too much money for anyone in their right mind to get it for me as a gift?" Well, first off--a kitchen aid mixer with the pasta attachments. Then, who in their right mind can turn down a butter churn? Let's see, I've not bought myself decent makeup in probably six years, and nice perfume in close to ten years, so I stopped into Sephora and found some things I really like. The perfume is called Daisy. It's soft and floral, and not too strong. The makeup made from Amazonian clay mud, so I thought that was interesting, and eco-friendly. The next part was the hardest--to go clothes shopping and strictly forbid myself to spend money on work clothes. That was hard, I did get a few clearance items, but for the most part I pampered myself with pretty blouses, many pairs of shorts, a pair of shoes, a summer sweater, and a gorgeous bronze/copper maxi dress. My heels aren't thanking me much for those shoes some six bloody blisters later, but I must say I felt like a goddess--or at least a supermodel--in that dress and those shoes.

I've been doing a lot of new creative things lately. I've made bread, and butter, yogurt and granola too. I've been keeping up with my container vegetable garden outside, though it's trying its hardest to thwart my attempts to keep it alive enough to produce anything edible. My tomatoes are coming along quite well. My pumpkins met head to head with the vine borers, and so far no good, but I might have a survivor in the bunch--or at least so I hope. The other day I even did some drawing, though it was for a spell, so I burnt the images of myself I drew along with everything I needed to let go of and that which I want to flourish in my life. I quite surprised myself with the quality of the charcoal sketches, but it made it all that more symbolic and "powerful" you might say when I burnt them in one of my iron skillets sitting on my bedroom floor affirming my wishes. I felt a bigger shift internally while burning the first which was meant to let go of unhealthy habits/ideas. I guess that is only natural, I've never much cared for letting go of things. As a result, I've also been trying to let go of things that I really don't need, like birthday cards I got when I was in high school.

Anyway, I have cleaned up my mess in my house--inspired by the cleaning lady being here today---I got a lot done while she was here! I think it had something to do with my pride, and no matter what I would have otherwise been doing, be it studying (like I should be doing), or writing letters, I couldn't just sit there while she was cleaning around me. I had a lot of things to pick up and put away that I've just been putting off due to the age-old perplexing idea of where to start, but that seemed to matter no more once she was there--it was like all of a sudden my brain figured it out. Survival instincts in their most trivial aspects I suppose. When forced face to face with it, it just became utterly clear what was needed to be done first. After this, I'll probably start the laundry, get showered (it is 12:30 in the afternoon after all and I am still in my pajamas), and get my books out to start studying for my upcoming exams.

I cannot put it off any longer, I've got to get my nose to the books and be aggressive in trying to get through the material in a timely manner. Better be done with time to spare, and be able to review again, than to end up and not getting through all the material.

Here are some pictures I've been taking and meaning to post for quite some time now.