Sunny Day

Sunny days, chasing the clouds away...

It started out cool and ended up really warm. We went out to the sand plum trail and walked a couple lap with the puppies after my roommate, I'll call Marie, got out of lab.Marie has homemade sand plum jam in the fridge, her mother in law made last fall. She said her mom used to make it when she was a girl, it reminds me of making strawberry jam with my mom and sisters when I was a girl. It was windy out on the trail today (it's always windy here though), but I got to wear my new shorts and tank top. I also got out my old ball cap I keep here and tucked my bangs up underneath. The sun was warm and the heat almost unbearable when the wind quit blowing, but it was rather pleasant in the wind. The Oklahoma Red-buds had their branches thick with flowers, and the sand plum bushes were getting their tiny leaves too. One unfortunate thing that was also showing itself....bag-worms. A crap ton of them. Good thing the sand plums are resilient little suckers, at least that's what Marie said. She said they usually have to burn them three times before they die. She lives on a ranch and right now it's actually burning season; they have to burn away the old grass that's long and dead so that fresh tender baby grass comes up. Apparently, that's the only stuff the cows like to eat. There was also this white flower bush on the trail too, but we couldn't tell what it was. 

After, we went to the diner, and I got my very favorite strawberry salad. It's 100% delectable! I've never ever had a better salad with better chicken. This is the place with the homemade creme pies, cakes, and cinnamon rolls. They had Italian Cream Cake tonight, but we had to pass...we've done far too much sitting around on our butts and studying lately. It was good to get outside.

Anyway, more school work to do tonight...probably another late one.

"Just living is not enough. One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower."

-Hans Christian Andersen

Small Town America

Relief. Insurmountable relief after every test. It's like running and getting the adrenaline rush afterwords. Just plain old relief. It always makes me smile and laugh when I go to talk to classmates down the hall outside the student lounge. It's become a tradition, after each Principles exam so far this semester (I think it may have started last semester somewhat with Concepts) a handful of two of us go to the single local sports bar, have a beer and just vent over steaks, fries, onion rings, fried pickles/okra/zucchini, chicken fried steaks, and gravy. I had a salad. A club salad, but I've worked to hard and haven't been the greatest eater or exerciser lately. Those are the highlights. Have I mentioned the side items include homemade fries, straight fries, potato skins, mashed potatoes, sauteed (in burger grease) mushrooms (yuck), steamed veggies (yuck), and a fruit cup (yuck). So when you order a steak, it comes with two side items and a salad, what do you get? Potatoes and more potatoes.

Oh, another bone to pick...since when has group gratuity gone up to a mandatory 18% at a hole in the wall sports bar with bad service?  I left her a note telling her the service was sub-par and if it had been up to me, I'd have left 10-15%. When I lived up north, 15% was a GOOD tip! 18% just wets my whistle. The diner is the only good place to eat in town really, but its never open. It's an original one from the 50's, it's classic and the food and service are the best in town.Okay, enough of this tangent.

Anyway, I got to park in a dirt parking lot with a huge uncovered hole in the middle of it, and uneven sidewalks just waiting for you to drive over them the wrong way so they can tear out the bottom of your cheap little foreign car. Now I know why everyone owns a huge Ford. I've never seen this many Ford Mustangs in my life. They're just as popular as the trucks and SUVs.

I am sad to leave here though. I will miss all these things I've elaborated on. It's in sharing it and telling the story that makes these an observed part of my history and existence. The names and places of this town may fade, but the feelings and emotions I feel will hang on for a life time. It's truly been a cultural lesson in understanding and acceptance. I am a different person now, for better or worse by some standards (I don't care about anyone's standards), and I've learned so much about people and just the fringe of how expansive the variation of the human mind individually and as a whole. I also look forward to going home. 

Well, I've got to get to my lab discussion board...project post due tomorrow at ten. Enjoy!

"Believe nothing on the faith of traditions,
even though they have been held in honor
for many generations and in diverse places.
Do not believe a thing because many people speak of it.
Do not believe on the faith of the sages of the past.
Do not believe what you yourself have imagined,
persuading yourself that a God inspires you.
Believe nothing on the sole authority of your masters and priests.
After examination, believe what you yourself have tested
and found to be reasonable, and conform your conduct thereto."

-Buddha

 

"We are what we think.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts, we make our world."

-Buddha

Mondays...

I'm so sleepy, I keep zoning out in deep thought and my eyes start to close when I realize I'm falling asleep. I'm suppose to be studying for an exam that is tomorrow, but I thought I'd take a break and maybe a short nap before I continue. My roommate just woke up from her short snooze, and now she's making popcorn...yum.

The weekend started out gorgeous and I did my best to spend as much time as I could outside in my backyard. I moved some chairs up to our balcony, and raked all the layered damp moldy leaves leftover from November away from our porch and bushes. I swept them back to our somewhat rather large and out of control compost heap. I need to do something about it, there was a family of rabbits living in there until Friday when my dogs so lovingly killed one of the babies and ate it. Awesome. I'm not much for killing things, especially baby animals, and more especially baby bunnies. I yelled "Oh no!" with great concern and anguish over and over again and my dogs thought for sure they'd done some big "no-no" but kept glancing back and forth from each other to me perplexed as to what the problem was. The worst part was that I hadn't been watching them, and the little one, Lana, came running out of the house with it in her mouth...lord knows the things that come in and go out of our house.

So many things are sprouting! Our dogwood is all abloom and the dahlias have emerged with flower buds, the day lilies continue to get higher, and the pansies are just happy to have made it through the winter in the wheelbarrow. I even have some miniature white and orange daffodils flowering at the foot of an oak in the front of our house. The mums from the fall have come back wherever they had been planted, and some flowers under a sculpted holly have reemerged as well. The hostas are up with bright green delicacy in front of the growing tree stump in the corner. The bushes below the dogwood are even heavy with white buds, ready to transform any day now. Sadly, or maybe luckily, the overgrown bushes we cut back with a vengeance last fall have not started to come back yet, but their fate is still undecided I suppose. Also, all the fescue I labored to plant in our bare spots last fall has survived and is coming to, much thicker and green than the rest of our yard. The weeds have also come like a storm, and have overtaken the Bermuda section of our backyard again this year. I fear its too late to use herbicide though without killing off all the sod as well. I hate using chemicals anyway. I also filled the bottom part of our bird feeder and was delighted to see the small sparrows arrive within minutes to partake, followed by male and female cardinals alike. I haven't seen any bluejays yet, but we had almost three last year that would come and go.

Oh, I bought some fun spring/Easter toys for Zach and me (he doesn't know it yet), but I'm really excited about them arriving from Hearth Song. First, I got an egg that you crack open the top and there is soil and seeds already planted and it will grow inside into basil, the best. Next I got Zach an Audubon bird whistle that is suppose to sound and attract birds to our yard. I guess it's helpful if you like birdwatching, he loves birds. Then I got two insect kits. Haha! I got a butterfly and a praying mantis one. I thought the butterflies would be really awesome, and a plus if they stick around, and Zach is fascinated with praying mantis', so I thought he would think that was pretty cool. They may also help with our mosquito problem, hopefully, but far fetched they'd make a difference. Sadly, the mantis kit is back ordered, but the other three are headed our way! 

Oh dear, I should wrap this up, and get back to studying. Only five meager weeks left of this semester; oh, the bittersweet nature of that realization! Here's to an eventful week of studying and writing papers!

"Young Victoria"

So, holy cow, that was sad, a happy sad, but sad none the less. I didn't think it was going to be so sad. If I didn't have to go to class in thirty minutes, I would assuredly spend the next fifteen feeling the full sadness with many tears. As it is, I'm trying to distract myself. What a love story, that was some good writing. Then to find she was only blessed with her Prince Albert for twenty years is devastating. I couldn't imagine losing my husband after only twenty years of companionship and happiness together. Good grief! My throat is all knotted up and my eyes burn with constraint.

Nothing is for certain, and every day the world starts anew into this unimaginable existence we call life. Our histories' fall behind us and our futures are infinitely standing before us. It's much like the sun rise each morning, with the night receding from its watery rays. I'm not sure how, but I just see it in my mind that way.

Beginnings

As I sit here alone, I muster the courage to quell my anxiety. The door has a dead bolt, and the blinds are drawn. I feel like I'm in a sort of non-existence, swinging out on this ledge of oblivion. No one I know or love is anywhere within 200 miles of me and if I were to fall over from sudden death, no one would know for at least a few days, when I'm expected to go home again. It's daunting, so I rented some movies, and ordered some pizza. In reality, I'm fine, everything is fine. Life is short, so I must enjoy these moments of quiet solace. I should have probably studied some today, but I didn't, and oh well...it'll be fine.Instead, I've watched "The Lovely Bones" and cried. Movies always get to me. I have "Young Victoria" to watch later, but for now I'm just buzzing the TV in the background.

I'm a pharmacy student, finishing up my third year, and going on rotations in the fall, taking for granted I don't uncharacteristically fail something. Never in my life, but I don't want to jinx myself, the least likely things happen from time to time. I got a pineapple and Canadian bacon pizza, my favorite, from Mazzio's...it's the best pizza here in this dot on the map. I'm not sure it's even a dot...maybe more like a blip. It's homey though, and a rather pleasant place to be after getting past the faded chipping paint, tin roofs, pocked cars, and trailer parks (one of which I reside in). The red dirt is characteristic here, as well as the hellish itchy weeds they call grass in this part if the country. I suppose it's better than having a red dirt yard, or one full of stones. I miss my fescue, and have a little growing in my yard under the thick oak trees. It still gets stressed out in the hot iron days of summer though.

I'm not originally from around here, if you haven't figured that out yet, I've become somewhat of a nomad; a wandering spirit without a home. I've begun to feel roots push into the earth here, and I am looking forward to finally being able to live with my husband full time. We've begun to make friends, and have favorite places to go. I'm in a sort of paradigm though, on one hand, I want the semester over as soon as it can be, and on the other I know that living in the moment is more fulfilling. I also know if I don't learn to do this now, there's no stopping the train full speed ahead at any other time either. Carpe diem!