Getting Back in Shape

I’m 27, working a job like any other job, one that you don’t entirely enjoy, but that pays the bills and then some in my case. I am a washed up Yankee on the shores of the Midwest, with only my husband as my friend within a hundred mile radius of me. I used to be a ballet dancer, an artist, a child, a writer, a singer, a runner. Now I’m just a pharmacist. An adult leading a boring adult life, without anything that used to define me. I used to be a New Yorker, now I’m an Oklahoman and nearly proud of it. I used to dance ballet six days a week, but pharmacy robbed that of me, and instead I’m an overweight pharmacist that probably drinks more than she should. It’s bad when you’re counting the days since you had your last drink just to make a point to yourself that you don’t have a problem, but I think that’s the catch—you probably do. I know I do on some level though it may not be serious enough to affect my life yet, but I also have some serious denial about that fact that usually clouds my vision. I guess by my admitting it, and trying to develop a healthy relationship with its use, I’m headed in the right direction, but I can’t help but think I should just not drink period. It is a poison after all. I probably never would have gotten these ideas in my head if it hadn’t been for pharmacy, something that’s quickly become something to pass the time and the bane of my existence.

It’s funny how much stress can negatively impact your life. I constantly dream of a time or place where I would live stress free, but then I realize I’d also be missing out on the key aspect of life. Life is meant to be stressful, and we succeed in varying degrees by how we each deal with it. Just because someone is CEO doesn’t make them entirely successful, they will be attain that when they reach ninety without cancer caused from the stress of that job. So, that is my goal. Not to be CEO of anything, but to make it to ninety or beyond without succumbing to the stress.

A couple days ago, I started dancing ballet again. Where I live now, there are no studios for adults (not even for kids actually if you’re talking the type of ballet I’m talking about and not that recital bull shit that most people think of when they think of classes for their children), so I bought a ballet class track awhile back on iTunes and gave myself a class from what I could remember of it. It kicked my ass. I ran the next day, and today I did another class. By the end of the grand plies (the first exercise) both my legs were shaking uncontrollably. By the end of tendues (the second exercise) I had sweat running down my back. Every time I held my leg up to the back, my back cramped, and every time I tried to do sometime on one leg en releve, my supporting leg twisted inward, unable to hold strong and control the movement. It kills me, because it is such a beginner’s problem. I guess I am a beginner so to speak, have not been in ballet shape in over 5 years. Five years is a long time for a body to be at rest, and though I wasn’t completely at rest (I ran a half marathon during that time) I was by no means exercising those tiny muscles that ballet relies on for its strength and beauty in movement. Let’s just say, I never could turn, and I still can’t turn, but I also keep nearly wiping out into the electronic equipment. That or Max, my dog, thinks it’d be fun to stand in the middle of the room as I jump across it heaving, just watching my efforts in utter confusion as he pants with that anxious smile on his face that he gets when things just aren’t right. I nearly kicked him the other day when he came running with me to the corner to do jetes (flying leaps) across the room. It’s quite humorous. All that time in Tulsa, where I had access to ballet classes, I never went, but now, when the nearest ballet class is probably still in Tulsa, I am driven to give myself classes. It’s nuts.

I’ve also started training for another half marathon in November (it’s June now). The same Route 66 marathon I did before in Tulsa. It’s still early, I’m only 1 workout into it, and I think I’ve forgotten how hard that was before, but I do remember how thin I got, and I have got to do something about these extra 15lbs I’m carrying around! I figure, I had hip troubles the last time, but maybe if I keep dancing, the stretching and strengthening of the ballet may help decrease the issues I had the last time. Or so I hope.  Not to mention, I really like dancing. I need to get more music and ideas for exercises though. It’s been so long I can only remember the complexity of the simplest exercises that I did the most often. My brain can’t choreograph anything at this point, it just doesn’t even come when I listen to some of the songs. These are all songs I’m positive I’ve heard and danced to before too.

Ah, well, such is life. We move into our new house in just two weeks! I’m looking forward to that, and thinking about places in the house where I can dance, as well as all the areas in the neighborhood I’ll be able to run. I used to run around Weatherford without fear, there is no reason I shouldn’t be able to run around here as well. I’m just hoping the summer heat doesn’t slaughter my goals like it usually does. We deserve a cooler summer!! I don’t know about deserve, but it sure would be nice.

We also just ordered two kayaks, and I am looking forward to using those every chance we get this summer!!! They haven’t arrived yet, and we still need to get paddles and life jackets, but it is going to rock!

Stretching out my old Autumn branches.

It's been so long since I wrote! I do apologize. One of the things I'm working on right now is making more time for myself. I worked until four today, and this evening we're headed for Fayetteville for me to work there on Saturday and Sunday. I was just asked today if I would do this, so it's last minute, but it will kind of be like a break being there. Therefore, I decided to get on here.

I'm tired a lot these days, but it's getting better. It's also to be expected. I officially brought myself off my antidepressant, it's been about a week now and so far I feel great. I actually notice how much more I do feel. It was necessary for me at the time, but I'm glad to have that levy removed and get back to being 100% me. To help with this I've cut back on alcohol intake to nothing unless we're going out or visiting people. We've also gotten back to working out, or have gone on a walk since we decided that...hopefully this weekend will be different. I'd wanted to take a really long walk tomorrow, so maybe that can still happen in Fayetteville.

Since I started working, it seems like I do nothing but work. For the most part I feel this is due to the fact that I haven't managed to prioritize properly or work the kinks out of my time management attempts. Zach and I watch too much TV still for example. I do a lot of sitting around doing nothing when I'm not at work, which works for me, but the house is in shambles when speaking about what a mess it is. I expected all this though. I took myself off my medicine, and things are harder to get myself to do, it's harder to control how much I crave food, and I'm more tired. Luckily, these things are starting to ebb just a bit and will get better as I accept and address them. Plus, the job is exhausting. Being a pharmacist is very stressful. If you see me in a year and think it's been five I won't be surprised.

On another note, it occurred to me three weeks ago or so that I was aimlessly waiting around putting off children for no real good reason. Money? That's dumb, we'll never have kids if we wait around until we're in the perfect position to have kids. It's not suppose to be like that. They're not like making a retirement plan, they're life changers, cliff hangers--they're suppose to be spontaneous and cherished and an incredible gift of love. So, that was another good reason to get off my medicine and start cutting back the alcohol. I also started taking a vitamin to start replenishing my stores of necessary nutrients for a healthy body and healthy baby. I don't think we'll start trying for a little while longer, but I do think it will be within the next three months. I've just got to go to my doctor and have my IUD removed.

Since I've started thinking about it, it's occurred to me how prepared and unprepared I am for this. That's why I'm taking this time to myself. That is why I'm trying to do what I can for my heart and soul. Every time I start feeling mopey I remind myself that I can accept it and move on, or make my choice to continue to mope and make myself feel progressively worse. For the most part, I've been able to pick myself back up.

I want to draw and paint again. I want to write again. I want to embrace my soul again. These things, these creative things that I've missed and set aside for so long. I even dream about ballet again, and how I can still dance because I've never stopped dancing at heart. I realize these things will be set aside even longer and maybe for a long time when I decide to have kids, but I'd like to think I could make it work. I'd like to think that I could do it if I tried hard enough. In anycase, maybe I can at least enjoy them for this short period of time now before I do start a family. Overindulge my self in my own attention. It's been along time since I've looked in on my soul and tried to do something nurturing.

Though I hate to think it, though it makes my heart and throat sad when I type this, ballet may be something I let go of. Time will tell. Cans of worms were meant to be opened, cleaned and recycled. May I have the courage to open that can some day soon. I think it will start by my not putting it off until I "just lose five (ten) more pounds..." That's one of the worms I'm talking about.

To life.

My Cicada Eating Puppy

The cicadas are singing their songs this time of year, and low and behold, they're also a tasty little treat depending on who you ask. This morning, after finishing our run, we heard the loud buzzing of large cicada wings hitting the ground, only to see our small miniature pincher pouncing like a cat as she sprang, swatted, bit, shimmied under the fire pit and out again in hot pursuit of this insect. She won, and as she pranced out to the yard to feast on her prize, she had the large clear wings of the cicada sticking out of her mouth. She delicately tore it apart and ate it bit by bit.

Later, I would let them out, and she taught Max, our larger dog how to catch them, but as he is a bit pickier about his food, having never had to fend for himself like she did before she came to us, after killing his, he'd leave it in the grass. Lana, of course, would be quick to pick up what he left behind, making Max think twice about his previous decision. He'd try again, and when I called them in, Lana came running with yet another treat in her mouth. I guess someone has to keep the population of cicadas in check. She ran right into the house with it, wings and all hanging out the side of her mouth, and promptly crouched under the kitchen table to finish her snack.

Oh the joys of eating cicadas. At least I know they're edible if ever it came to be a post apocalyptic world.

And with sultry heat, June swelters

It's almost been a month again. I've been working and studying, and bored to death with the studying part. It's been getting hotter and hotter like a tea kettle on high, and we're at the boiling point now, just screaming our little heads off about how we're drenched in sweat and miserable. It's been over one hundred degrees for almost a week now, and the forecast says it won't let up for at least two more weeks. Hopefully they've got that wrong, but by the way its going I doubt it. I have sunburns on tomatoes and peppers...I didn't know that could happen, and sunspots on some of the plants. My potatoes are very unhappy in their pots now, I'm just trying to keep them alive to get a few potatoes from them! They're smaller and more yellow than in the pictures I previously posted. I have been able to enjoy some cucumbers, and the tomatoes are beginning to turn. My herbs seen to be doing great, but even my cosmos are singing a sad tune. One of my pumpkin vines has come back and another is still struggling, trying to make its connections strong with the ground. Hopefully, the vineborers leave them alone the rest of the summer, but that might be wishful thinking.

So I sit here in my computer room, sweating because I have to turn my AC up to at least 85 to keep it from disastrous self-destruction, with a high powered fan blowing hot air on me. My dog sits on my lap and I can feel the sweat accumulating under her from my legs against my capris. I attribute the afternoon nap I took for nearly two hours on the fact that is hot, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. Luckily, Zach and I got up and ran this morning when it was only 82 degrees!

I'm enjoying the new computer Zach built me for my graduation, it's really nice, and great to have my very own! Work has been good, I'm not sure what I will be doing between when my training term ends and when I get the news that I am licensed, but I guess I'll figure it out here  in a couple days!

Today, this new grocery, Fresh Market, opened up. It was busy, as was to be expected...and most people were good natured. I can't say as much about my cashier. She wasn't the kind of offensive that offends you right away, but more after you've been home awhile and your brain has a chance to untangle and understand her little jabs. Which, of course, is more bothersome because what are you really going to do, march back in there and point a finger? Probably not. I'll just have to let it go, she'd probably been there all day having to deal with customers, and she might not have had much experience at that. So, they don't have a belt, you just have a little ledge, and she's suppose to unload your cart for you as she's scanning the produce, but I thought I'd help her out and place a few items on the ledge. She was annoyed by this and in a condescending manner, like she was talking to either a three year old or (unfortunately for our elders) an eighty year old with that fake high pitched voice, said thanks and that I didn't have to do that. Okay, I'll stop. Then she asked me if this was my first time at one of their stores, and I hadn't even realized they'd existed before they came to this corner to habitate the old Borders, so I told her no. She could have said welcome, but instead she kept talking in that abnoxious voice where she was talking to me in tender words that they had an elite list of customers to whom they'd mailed invitations to come that day. That's one of those things I don't get on the scene, because it never occurs to me that a person can be so sly and malicious. Or just an idiot. I'm not sure I'll go back. That's not all, and there were some things she said that were harmless and maybe borderline nice without sounding like a puppet's facade, but she wasn't a great actress and you could tell. I just wish I could be more upfront with people when its happening to me and stand up for myself then, instead of feeling miserable about it later. Maybe there is a survey on the receipt I can do...that would make me feel a bit better than even venting here. I should keep this in mind for my own customer service and try not to make people feel this way. I wouldn't want to make a patient feel like they were mentally inept, socially inept, or just beneath me, that's not why I'm there. I'm there to make people feel well again...not worse. The key to that is to be genuine.

Well, we lost a tree in that storm I talked about last time, and we have massive 200lb logs that need splitting now! They're pretty impressive. The tree was about thirty seasons old based on the number of rings at its base. It was dying though, and suffered a fatal injury. He was rotted half way through the trunk when they took him down. We also had the arborists clean up a couple of our trees by the garage for us, which made them look very tall and majestic even. It seemed to be a good thing.

I almost forgot to mention that I've started taking belly dancing classes with Trisha! They're a lot of fun, and so challenging! To shake this and hold that still while keeping the beat in threes with your fingers and twos with your hips is insane! Sorry for all the exclams, but for real! Some one let me borrow a scarf and shimmie belt scarf (it makes noise) last class, which made it all the more fun. I just had to mention it. It's pretty neat.
While I've been really focusing on my studies this week, everything else has fallen away in importance, and the house is such a mess! I guess that is a never ending story though...things always moving toward chaos. As Porky Pig always said, "That's all folks!"

A long while

It's been stormy here the last couple days. I remember talking to my Mom on Tuesday and her telling me they were experiencing gale force winds with the potentiality of hail, and as I looked at the wide blue Oklahoma sky with a few scattered white clouds along the horizons, I thought it couldn't be more different. It was only that night we had our own storms roll in. Thankfully, things have cooled off, it was getting unbearable. It rained again last night, and looks like it wants to again today. The wind is tossing tree branches in circles, and the clouds are quickly blown across the sun, their shadows chasing each other along the landscape as the day goes on to afternoon.

I got a nice bit of money for my graduation, (oh yeah, I forgot to mention I graduated from pharmacy school since I last posted), so I thought to myself, "what have I always thought about, wanted, but known it was too much money for anyone in their right mind to get it for me as a gift?" Well, first off--a kitchen aid mixer with the pasta attachments. Then, who in their right mind can turn down a butter churn? Let's see, I've not bought myself decent makeup in probably six years, and nice perfume in close to ten years, so I stopped into Sephora and found some things I really like. The perfume is called Daisy. It's soft and floral, and not too strong. The makeup made from Amazonian clay mud, so I thought that was interesting, and eco-friendly. The next part was the hardest--to go clothes shopping and strictly forbid myself to spend money on work clothes. That was hard, I did get a few clearance items, but for the most part I pampered myself with pretty blouses, many pairs of shorts, a pair of shoes, a summer sweater, and a gorgeous bronze/copper maxi dress. My heels aren't thanking me much for those shoes some six bloody blisters later, but I must say I felt like a goddess--or at least a supermodel--in that dress and those shoes.

I've been doing a lot of new creative things lately. I've made bread, and butter, yogurt and granola too. I've been keeping up with my container vegetable garden outside, though it's trying its hardest to thwart my attempts to keep it alive enough to produce anything edible. My tomatoes are coming along quite well. My pumpkins met head to head with the vine borers, and so far no good, but I might have a survivor in the bunch--or at least so I hope. The other day I even did some drawing, though it was for a spell, so I burnt the images of myself I drew along with everything I needed to let go of and that which I want to flourish in my life. I quite surprised myself with the quality of the charcoal sketches, but it made it all that more symbolic and "powerful" you might say when I burnt them in one of my iron skillets sitting on my bedroom floor affirming my wishes. I felt a bigger shift internally while burning the first which was meant to let go of unhealthy habits/ideas. I guess that is only natural, I've never much cared for letting go of things. As a result, I've also been trying to let go of things that I really don't need, like birthday cards I got when I was in high school.

Anyway, I have cleaned up my mess in my house--inspired by the cleaning lady being here today---I got a lot done while she was here! I think it had something to do with my pride, and no matter what I would have otherwise been doing, be it studying (like I should be doing), or writing letters, I couldn't just sit there while she was cleaning around me. I had a lot of things to pick up and put away that I've just been putting off due to the age-old perplexing idea of where to start, but that seemed to matter no more once she was there--it was like all of a sudden my brain figured it out. Survival instincts in their most trivial aspects I suppose. When forced face to face with it, it just became utterly clear what was needed to be done first. After this, I'll probably start the laundry, get showered (it is 12:30 in the afternoon after all and I am still in my pajamas), and get my books out to start studying for my upcoming exams.

I cannot put it off any longer, I've got to get my nose to the books and be aggressive in trying to get through the material in a timely manner. Better be done with time to spare, and be able to review again, than to end up and not getting through all the material.

Here are some pictures I've been taking and meaning to post for quite some time now.

my container garden

cucumbers!

cucumbers!

the survivor

RIP

blurry tomato

hiking with the pupplidogs

a praying mantis hatched from the egg sac we bought

the butter ball

my birthday

my birthday

Easter Eggs

So, today was the first day of being completely alone after Zach's departure to Kenya. After making my face tired and puffy yesterday, I went to bed early and got well rested. I had a final this morning, but it was short, and afterwards I went spring clothes shopping at Kohl's. We'd had to get Zach a suit there yesterday and spent quite a handful of change, so to save a hundred or so, we opened a Kohl's card, since it was save 30% to open it that day. I got to use that same discount today. I also ran some other errands and made it home by early afternoon. Then I went to coloring my Easter eggs I boiled last week. Here are some pictures of the good time I had:

While coloring these lovely ladies, I watched our mama squirrel feast on the squirrel feeder outside our kitchen window.

After that I went outdoors and mowed the lawn! I also trimmed bushes and trees...I typically get carried away with that kind of stuff. After trimming the trees, I made some decorations with some of the clippings.

I also bought some festive tulips at the grocery.

While I was working on the yard, my neighbor, Leslie, stopped by and gave me some wine! She's in wine and spirits, but is pregnant and cannot enjoy what she opens during the day for her clients at home, so she brought me a couple! We're co-block captains together, so we've been getting to know each other. It's so nice to find more friends!

Well, that was my day, in and out.

When the Universe bestows upon you a gift

Today was suppose to be spent at the pharmacy for ten long hours, while the nicest part of this beautiful day sailed past, but unexpectedly, I got a notice right before I was going to leave for work that I would have today off. What a gift. I was outside in my garden all morning, and came in just after noon. I'm watering the lawn now, and I am just enjoying this sunny afternoon. I transplanted my pumpkins, bell peppers, and tomatoes to bigger pots and sowed some seeds into a bed I made up. I sowed more carrots, radishes, some stevia, walking Egyptian onions, and baby lettuce. I then surrounded the beds with a fence of sticks...hoping to bar my dogs from trampling everything into the ground (fingers crossed).

Here from the left are tomato, pumpkin and bell pepper plants.

My budding dogwood

In the tall black pots are my first round of radishes I started inside. In the clay pots I have carrots starting to grow.

From the left I have baby lettuce, radishes, carrots, stevia, and Egyptian walking onions.

From here you can spot the eggplant, chamomile, cilantro, coneflower, and black eyed susans as well!

This is my survivor parsley, and some pansies and baby lettuce!

Spring Fever

I think I've been experiencing a bit of spring fever today after spending some time with my friend, Trish, yesterday. We went to a knitting class together to learn how to knit, and then went to a nursery to look for seeds. She's somewhat of an expert gardener in my opinion, so I had her help me select things easy to grow, and things that were successful here. In the end, I spend $25 on seeds, and made a scarf.

 I planted all my little seeds into some planting things I had leftover from the fall, and set up a card table next to the brightest window in our house, where I'd had my other seedlings on a chair. I also planted some mesclun in my wheelbarrow outside next to the cilantro (and possibly some volunteer violets). So, I planted eggplant, coneflowers, delphinium, chamomile, cilantro, blackeyed susans, parisian carrots (they're round and can grow in pots), and radishes (also compatible with a pot, and should be ready to eat in 24 days!). When the weather is a little more of a sure thing, I'll start the cucumbers, sunflowers, stevia, basil, and more pumpkin seeds outside. If I had more planting things, I'd probably start the stevia and basil inside as well, but I'll have to look for more pots. It's very exciting! Trish also gave me some of her own Egyptian walking onions from her harvest last year, so I'll be excited to start those soon too. She said they'll grow pretty much no matter what. This summer, we've decided to learn how to can our vegatables too! We'll see how that goes. We have another knitting class next weekend too, we'll learn how to knit in the round. I think that'll be very handy, and I bet I'll be able to make many cute things for my future neice/nephew. The week after that we're to learn pearling. It's fun to do things like that with a friend. It's just nice to finally be able to call someone my friend that I know will likely stick around and not disappear after awhile. Also, a friend that I can relate to and not feel like the fish out of water I've felt like for so long here. I do find it strange I tend to find friends that are much older than I am, she's ten years my senior, but it doesn't worry me too much--most girls my age aren't like me.

Any way, as for now, I'll finish this up.

Awake, thou wintry earth -
Fling off thy sadness!
Fair vernal flowers, laugh forth
Your ancient gladness!
~Thomas Blackburn, "An Easter Hymn"

Waking up in New York

This morning, just before I woke, I was in New York, on the street I grew up. The rest of the day carried a somewhat nostalgic feel, as yesterday's snows melted away in today's warmth. That used to happen, except in the opposite way, a random day of warmth amidst a winter long of cold, dark, and snow. We had one glorious day of beautiful white fluff, and a wet warmth today that made me smell and see visions from my youth when I wasn't paying close attention to the distinguishing things that surround me. Cracking the car windows, I drove down the streets and highways, with just tolerably cool gusty air bustling through the spaces to blow in my face and on my arms.




Snow coverted Rosemary and Eucalyptus




From my kitchen window


As my mind sat in the low wakefulness between alarms, my brain tried to grasp at the fleeting threads of a dream not quite pleasant but never the less on my childhood street, so as I often do, I visited what I remember instead in clarity that only comes when I'm in the hypnotic state between wakeful consciousness and dreaming. I tried to reason through the rest of the dream, to follow it through. I remember riding a rusted bike with a thin frame and tires, wobbling along down our street. I passed our neighbor in nostalgic anticipation since I hadn't been out and down the street in so long. Much had changed, and yet some things were familiar. I remember as I left the dream being pulled backward away from it, seeing the houses in a distance, and thinking it wouldn't be right to build another house in the big open field where the pear trees grew across the street---realizing I would never be there, there in the place of my youth as it was, time forever passing, never turning back. Being able to look back on our lives is probably one of the greatest gifts, and yet our greatest crux.





I am growing some seeds, recycling plastic egg cartons. I started four tomato plants, four pumpkin plants, and four pepper plants.

The tomatoes and pumpkins are already bursting from their fibrous cocoon, but the pepper seeds may have been too old. I also planted twelve shasta daisies, but they too have not sprouted into this world yet.



Reaching for the sun



They sit on the chair I've had since it was in my bedroom at my desk in Mount View, right next to the window and my suffering thyme plant. 

 



Winter thyme

My rosemary and eucalyptus already begged to be put outside to die (you can see them in the first picture above covered in snow), they were just dying slowly inside, but the thyme is hanging in there...as long as this human remembers she needs to be watered before her leaves are crispy critters.  





Three in a row



The fibrous cocoon



The pumpkin seeds I held onto from my harvest pumpkins I bought this year, and these may not make it to fruition, since they don't like transplantation a whole lot, but at least I know these seeds are fertile and will take to the ground quickly. I just need to determine a good place to plant them. They have a will to take over, so it needs to be somewhere I would want that to happen, and where they would be happy.





I guess since I started these seedlings in such small containers, they may outgrow them rather quickly, and may need another home before going outside. I hadn't thought of that when I chose to use the clear plastic egg cartons, only that they would act as a good greenhouse, which they have.

I've written this whole long blog and not mentioned Valentine's Day, but its not significant. It reminds me of all the things I used to get on Valentine's Day from boyfriends long past, and all the things I got them. I remember decorating shoe boxes with Rachael, and getting long stem roses delivered. I wouldn't have thought in my young mind then, that I would settle for anything less. Well, I have, and I'm happy with it. Not to say I wouldn't be happy if it were different, but life is a game of give and take, and I can't think of anything I would sacrifice for it to be different.

We will have a special dinner at home tonight, and go running together. We may not have the stuffed pork chops I had planned until tomorrow though...we had a heavy southern style lunch today. I was able to meet up with Zach and some of his friends from work for lunch at a buffeteria iconic to this area. Maybe just that spinach and fruit salad I was planning!

Ah, St. Valentine....how your day has changed.

A Small Orange Project

So, like I have done for so many years, I am inspired by my older sister, and though I am not naming my hamster Rina to mimic her hamster Tina, I have made a lunch bag. It is not nearly as nice or detailed...I'm lucky to sew in a straight line. It's fabric left over from my other project the other day, and until that fabric is used up, it will probably be seen again, and again, and again. Maybe I'll make grocery bags next. The problem there is remembering to bring them to the store. I have three I bought, but never remember, but maybe, just maybe I'd be too excited to use ones I make to forget them...at least at first. I did think a lunch bag would be nice since I used a brown paper bag or some hideous grey thing. It's not insulated, but for now, I don't think that is necessary...there are usually fridges if I must keep something cool. And besides...I usually just bring a PB&J sandwich and call it good. Here are two pictures I masterfully took with my iPhone.

The button I actually found in the old sewing shoe box that used to belong to Zach's Grandma Rosie before she passed. It's interesting to think she used to own an outfit that this button would have gone with.

I began a new rotation on Wednesday, and so far, it's great! I don't have to be there until nine, and I usually get out by five if not sooner. Therefore, as of today, I've begun to plan meditative times in the morning before I leave.

Also, I think as of tomorrow, I am going to eliminate processed sugar from my diet. If I do have a gene that predisposes me to diabetes, I'd rather get in good habits now and hopefully ward it off as long as possible. Plus, I just consume too much sugar. I am always way over on my calorie counter for the amount of sugar I am suppose to intake. So, no more sugar on cereal, no more chocolate chips, no more icecream, no more cookies, cakes, and candy. Granted, I understand that I should allow exceptions, but at least in the beginning, I'm going cold turkey...

On a related note, I guess the FDA is trying to make sugar regulated like nicotine and alcohol, which would increase the cost of sugar containing products because they can tax it extra and maybe put an age limiting factor on its sale. That would be interesting. I'm not sure how they think they're going to do that.

“The creatures that inhabit this earth--be they human beings or animals--are here to contribute, each in its own particular way, to the beauty and prosperity of the world.”

“Inner peace is the key: if you have inner peace, the external problems do not affect your deep sense of peace and tranquility...without this inner peace, no matter how comfortable your life is materially, you may still be worried, disturbed, or unhappy because of circumstances.”

“Because we all share this planet earth, we have to learn to live in harmony and peace with each other and with nature. This is not just a dream, but a necessity.”

-Dalai Lama XIV

Quotes copied from: http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/570218.Dalai_Lama_XIV

Another warm and sunny day

So, today was the last day of my January rotation, so after taking our exam we were allowed to go home. On my way home I stopped by the Hobby Lobby to pick up some fabrics for projects otherwise put off or suspended. Some brown canvas to finish the door and window jams, and some brightly colored orange and green duck cloth fabrics to match my kitchen for a much needed plastic bag holder. I worked on the plastic bag holder first, and designed it like my sister had told me she had done hers.  It's not perfect, there's definitely some fudging around there, but I think it turned out rather well. I have a lot of extra fabric left though...I never really know how much to get, so I had gotten about five yards of different fabrics for these two projects. Maybe I'll make an apron like the one my sister made me... :)

In any case, I have been thinking today, I submitted a police report the other day about the rude person at my door Friday, but I am still rather freaked out. Three times the doorbell has rung today, and only once did I actually open the door, for the mail man's package. That was the third bell ring, the first two were strange. I think I'm getting rather worked up about it all, but now that I am officially paranoid, random people coming by my house and ringing the doorbell is not helping. The first bell ring was two middle aged women with tuperware in their hands, hair in bun with clothing that reminisced the clothes the nuns used to wear at my high school. They had come out of a silver Prius, and after I saw them, and they unfortunately saw me, I just walked back up my stairs to the guest bedroom where I had been working on my projects. They didn't ring again, and they got in the back seats of their car. There were two other women, not like them it appeared driving them around. They didn't go to anyone else's house, just turned around in my neighbor's driveway and drove off. About an hour later, the second bell ringer came. It was a young guy, heavy set, light brown hair, brisley facial hair with a navy blue sweatshirt on that said some school's name on it. I didn't get a chance to read it, because as soon as I saw him, I thought for sure someone was casing my house for a home invasion. He only rang the bell once, I called the police. By the time they picked up they guy was walking away and they told me to call back if someone was actually trying to break in...they didn't even take down my name.

Now, who was this rude person Friday, and what happened? Well, it was seven o'clock in the evening, dark out since it's January, and the doorbell rang. I thought it weird, and my dogs were barking like the crazy munchkins that they are, and I walked out into the hallway from our family room. We have leaded glass on our front door, so he saw me, and since my outdoor lights were on, I saw him clearly. He was no one I new, no neighbor that I could recognize, and I saw no car at the end of the brick path up to our house. He was dark skinned with clean cut black curly hair, clean shaven and hazel eyes wearing a blue argyle sweater and collared shirt over blue jeans.He was over six feet tall, and lean with a wallet in hand. I peaked through the wreath on my door at him, looking him straight in the eyes and he waved at me as if I couldn't see him, gesturing for me to answer the door with both rude facial expressions and hand movements. My stomach was in my lap, I turned around and walked back down the hallway, making up my mind not to answer the door. I called Zach, and the dogs shortly stopped barking. When I poked my head back around the corner into the hallway, he was gone. I turned off all the lights downstairs to see if I could see him walking away, maybe to another house, but he was just gone. The next day, Zach and I realized someone had opened the latch to our backyard gate...it doesn't shut of its own accord, and Zach and I always shut it because of Max and Lana always taking advantage of escape routes.

Anyway, so maybe I'm being hyperparanoid, but anyone I've talked to tells me I was right to trust my gut and to never answer the door to someone I don't know, because they'll try all guises to get you to open your door. The latch to the gate is now locked, as are all the doors and windows. And, I'm jumpy. Other people tell us to get a gun, even specifying a shotgun...I guess it has a very distict sound that usually scares people off. Oh, the joys of a poor economy.

January Summers

Lately, the weather has been somewhat menopausal, with warm temperatures, followed quickly with biting ones. For me, a seventy degree day in January is a special sort of blessing that brings me home in such an odd fashion. It felt like summer to me. The wind even smelled the same. There aren't many times of the year where I live now that I can enjoy such days as that, and I'm cherishing every one. The summers are no good here, being so blastedly hot you can't breathe or you may go outside for want of a heat stroke.

Since Christmas, I've fallen out of my morning routine of meditation, which is disappointing and frustrating, but the first step to restarting is acceptance at failure. This month I cannot do morning meditation, I would have to do an afternoon meditation, which I haven't quite figured out yet...and the month is nearly out. I'm having to be downtown  by seven, meaning I must leave by six thirty...there's no way I can make time for a half an hour to an hour (since I'd probably be falling asleep) meditation session before I leave. I tried in vain for two weeks. I just kept sleeping in, but I think I wanted to sleep in, it just seemed so horrible to get up that early. So, I guess I will continue to mull over that one for another week until my next rotation begins. I'm beginning to fear it might be early too, but I can manage morning meditation with eight o'clock arrivals, and my next site is quite a bit closer.

I think I am going to learn how to knit in February by the way. My friend, Trish, asked me to go to some classes with her, so I'm hoping to make that work. I've always wanted to learn how to knit...I learned to do simple crochet work, but never knitting. My sister tried to teach me a long time ago, when I had a lot less patience for not being naturally inclined at doing something, so I don't believe the session lasted much longer than five minutes.

This spring is looking to be a sleepy one, full of routine, which I am hoping to find some solace in. I just need to find that routine and set it right. I may resort to scheduling my daily minutes like I used to do in high school in order to force myself into some sort of peaceable structure--at least for a few days. See what happens.

To more days of summer in January...

Christmas at last!

So, I've spent the last week cleaning like a fiend, I think I lost some weight...just kidding, but possibly. I also finally got around to getting the Christmas decorations down out of our garage attic. The hot summer months didn't bode well for my candles, as you'll see in one of the pictures below, but rest assured, I came down into my kitchen this morning to see my father in law placing them in boiling water with a mischeivious grin upon his face as if he were twelve again. They've all been erected to their original states thank in part to needle nose pliers. Also, I decorated with red and white roses. Poinsettas would have been nice, but I'm not at all certain my dogs wouldn't figure out how to eat some without my knowing until it was too late. Dead poochies are not on my christmas list. You'll see an adorable picture of them at the end too.

Hope you enjoyed these clips! I can't wait to leave for my parents' house on Wednesday!!! Coming up quickly! I'll have to get on top of packing for it here shortly:)